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Thom

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[14 Aug 2007|11:44pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Forgive the blunt title, but this post will be nothing but blunt, so it's apt.

My Grandmother of my mothers side died lunchtime today, indirectly by the effects of her Rheumatoid Arthritis. When I heard the news the first thought was my mother, and how she would be feeling. Which drew a tear to my eye, not my Grandmothers death. When my grandfather was alive my Grandmother treated him like dirt and walked all over him, taking every opportunity to put him down or walk over him. When he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, she only got worst. She either had no idea what she was doing, or she was cruel to the core. With his death, he trumpet played a different tune, singing his praise. She didn't deserve to say his name. My grandfather tolerated her treatment for so many years. To date I'm clueless about it, my ignorance of it, makes me say love. Love gives you great strength, if it gave my grandfather the will to put up with her.

My mother was another target of my Grandmother's ways, too frequently bringing her to tears. The pre-present bond of a family is strange. It makes you go against all logic, reasoning and sometimes your own beliefs, for the sake of someone you had no choice about knowing, no choice about loving. I'm starting to think if ,that forced love we have for our family, belittles the love we choose in our girl/boy friends and our wives and husbands. I hope not, I really do.

It was clear today that my mother had accepted my Grandmother's death, along time ago. Yes there was tears, but I could tell she had already come to terms with it, before the doctor had announced it. She more then likely accepted her death, when my Grandmother became the bitter cruel woman, far from what my mother would like to remember her as. Choosing how you see reality can sometimes be the only way of coping with things. We remember people how we want to remember them. I will remember my grandfather as the nicest man I have ever met, and I will remember my Grandmother as the woman that made the end of his life like hell. I can't change how I see it, rather, I wont change how I see it. She does not deserve a better memory.

To misplace a phrase, looking on the good side of this, my mother and aunt are now considerably wealthier, my Grandmother was rich. She was paid  allot of money for when she was made redundant, something like 3 or 4 years salary. Then my grandfathers life insurance. And now her large bungalow that will be sold. My grandmother has not spent a penny since the day she left work, she loved having money, and hated spending it. Thus, I will be driving soon, as I will have my car and insurance paid for me. Thank you Grandmother.

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Pidgeon Holing. [07 Jul 2007|10:40pm]
[ mood | okay ]

So, today has been so so. Pretty mediocre truth be told. I'm going to list every moment in a seperate paragraph for easy reading, so when you decide this part of the story of Thom is boring, you can move on. Don't you wish all stories were like that?

I had to get up at 7ish to clear away to many beer bottles and the rest of the crap around my house from the night before. Then, waiting on Briggys to phone me(30mins after she said), then waiting for Briggys to come(2 hours late) Then...she fucked off to the warden. Cheers. Me and sim left doing nothing and bored, thus leading to major text fest on my part(free texts and calls fucking rock.) to find out what people were planning on doing, continuing this boring tale, we end up at Central Baptist, some water fight thing. Which we, to excuse the gaming term "pwned" at.  Anyway, we then went out with Tasha, Tara, Joeo and Rachel to Maccy d's which cleansed my hunger completely, but, yes there is a but, about 30 seconds down the highstreet we walk past some girls, guess what they called me, a fucking greebo. Now I was about the sexiest thing on that highstreet at that present moment(not ego, true, I looked hawt) and didn't really appreciate the wrong evaluation of me.

I've had one of my friends, randomly, without any just reasoning or provocation, treat me like utter shit. Blocking me(msn messenger for you technofobes.), taking low jabs at me when ever possible, going out of their way not to be near me (asda isles are a bitch) and I think, not sure, lie to me about what they was doing. Sim noticed it allot and was pissed of about it. So I'm like cheers. I had a really indepth conversation with you about people treating you badly, then you do the same to me? I even opened up to you slightly and told you some things about me, which I thought would help you be at ease with your situation, that takes allot for me to do. So be fucking grateful Sam.

So now i also had to listen to how badly treated one of my friends(Mel) has been by her supposedly deeply in love with her boyfriend. I'm trying to be a empathic as I can, but is hard, 'Cause what i think she should do, she can't bring her self to do, stuck in a loop that just gets tighter and tighter until you can't breathe, thus i'm worried she will only pry them hands off her neck, when it's too late and the damage is done and burned into her for the rest of her life.

I had a few people over on the friday night, due to poor planing on Scott's behalf, so I kind took half his party people to my house and we just chilled watch films, ate food and drank, twas alright. But, yes another dooming but, I have my brother accusing them of stealing £60 which he apparently left in the strange black thing that hold our remotes. Then he remembers he put it somewhere in his room and is like, "did you take it thom, I don't care if you did I just want it back". At this point i'm about to smack him in the face, violence is necessary sometimes in my eyes. I being the caring, sympathetic person I am, offer to give him £60 to cover his loss so he isn't bollocked by my father who only just gave him that money. I really shouldn't of offered. He doesn't deserve it, cunt.

I was having a conversation, pretty much since I got home with Lauren(msn, the wonders of technology aye? Making stalking her so much easier), about various things. It led to me thinking about much I have changed and how less cruel and cynical I have become. I use to think everyone was inferior and that they were all doing everything wrong, to be honest I probably still do, but I'm so much better at keeping my mouth shut about it. Empathy, something that was lost to me then, now serves an important tool in my everyday evaluation of people. It might be some sort of subtle censorship on my part, either way it leads me to being so much nicer to people with their problems and where i can basicly be a reliable source of, on the surface, unjudgemental advice. But I always found it easy to give advice to people, especially when I thought they was being so over dramatic about their problems, naturally mine were so much more severe. To end a pointless, well point, I think I'm becoming far more connected to people. No where near as everyone else, I don't think I want that either, I don't feel the need to start handing out shotguns so to speak to people that they can shoot me with so easily, if they wanted too. I like being closed off from most, even allot of my "best" friends don't know half the things about me that I know about them. Well i suppose that is blind trust on their part. They have no insurance other then my word. Is it really worth that much?

There may be more bitching later. Just hope.

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First... [28 Jun 2007|12:52am]
[ mood | drained ]

Er....

Oh great Thom, you have started your first LJ post by making a confused noise, you have surely lost any audience you could of obtained now. Ah well. Moving on, as I said this is my first post on this site, possibly my only one, time shall deliver that answer in it's usual fashion. How are you liking the "style" I have chosen to present my posts on, I thought it was apt at the time due to my username, talking of which I have to give forced credit to Lauren for indirectly giving me the idea to use what I was wearing at the time for my username, being some arsehole had already taken just "Thom". Okay, I better move this onto an actual topic as I'm sure this is allot less interesting then ready the LJ FAQ so far. Topic, topic, topic, who got the topic. *jump down*

Ah finally! A new paragraph, that one was hurting my eyes, talking about aching body parts, my wisdom teeth. They are doing something, growing or moving direction, I'm not so sure, either way they hurt a fair bit, but I will not have the removed, ever. Mainly because I'm blacklisted by my dentist now, but also for the fact the mere idea of having them pulled makes me weak. I have quite a high pain tolerence, I just don't like having things taken out of my body, teeth, blood or anything else that could be yanked or sucked out, nice choice of words Thom. You will find my ego will take hold some times, forcing me to talk in 3rd person about my self.

This post will be resumed in the morn, but for now I need sleep.

Thom.

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